i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
