I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
