Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The power of my boobs compel you
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
