she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
