I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
