please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i've created a new STD.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
