he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
