I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
