weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
