I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize