Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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