The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
