Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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