how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Farmville is her only friend.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
