Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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