This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
