Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
