I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
