I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
wow bdsm is so cute
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
