Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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