girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
tell me about the fingering
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
