i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We need to get me chipped asap
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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