I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
