His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize