I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
