I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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