Cold hands, warm shart.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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