Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
