Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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