whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
