We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
