I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
