I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
