Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
