marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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