I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize