she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
