I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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