New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
