I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
