He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize