from now on my penis is your penis
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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