Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
