Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
