Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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