ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
