Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
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