i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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