Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
