So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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