PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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