am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize