i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
