At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
