I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
