Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize