so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
