He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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