Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
