She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
