She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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